Lucky Dip Number 37
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Uninvited Wit
An undertaker's pride in his fleet Is like a woman's pride in her hair But what's a perm or a hearse Until an admirer is there? For convenience I'll call him Ted For what after all is a name And the splendid hearse he'd acquired Would still have cost the same. Like parents welcoming neighbours To wet the new baby's head Invites were printed and posted To view the purchase he'd made. Most of the folk who received them Were Protestants broadly defined For in death as well as in life They mainly consort with their kind. When the drink was flowing freely And the hearse was gleaming in pride Ted swelled his chest in satisfaction Till an unwelcome guest he espied. The desultory character he confronted Whom most people chose to disown Had a name he pronounced with displeasure Though adopted to rhyme with his own. "Fred, I've no care to insult you Though many I know who do But this is a hearse for Orangemen And not for the likes of you". Fred's lifestyle had oft been derided But his wit was to earn him renown For quick as a flash came the answer "May it carry every Orangeman in town!" With pride that was sadly deflated Thinking what the brethren might say Ted knew the first it would carry If he could but have his way. My father told this story when interviewed by the Belfast Telegraph (circa 1975) |